A virtue that we often hold up today is loyalty. It is expected in marriage, at work and between friends. But is loyalty a virtue that we should hold above all others?
My answer is no. There are circumstances when breaking a confidence is a good thing. For example, when a work colleague commits fraud, when you are aware of sexual abuse or when your marriage could be saved through counselling.
The problem is that we have confused loyalty with faithfulness. Faithfulness is about committing yourself to the good of someone else.
It means that you are dependable, that you will consider how you can express love towards someone, what is in their best interests. Loyalty on the other hand is about obedience. It is doing what the other person has told you to do, even if you believe the behaviour is wrong.
Faithfulness will commit me to working through difficulties, whereas loyalty only commits me to silence. Faithfulness promotes a desire to care, whereas loyalty maintains the status quo.
Faithfulness is always better than loyalty because it stems from love. It can applied is so many different contexts (work, family, church, friends). Faithfulness sees relationships enriched, it sees people doing abundantly more out of love, it develops a deep generosity that benefits everyone.
To change from loyalty to faithfulness begins with our language. Instead of saying, “Will you do what I ask?”, try “I was wondering if you could help me”. Instead of saying, “I will do what you have asked”, try “I’d be happy to _________, if that would help you.”
Trust develops relationships, so lets work at being faithful and reap the benefits.
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